Apple Juice looks like piss

I am so fed up at this point that its not even funny anymore. Whats the point of life if its a blank meaningless thing? Why do we wake up everyday to do the same things and feel the same ways if we already know? Why cant we just decide to change our lives one day with out helping someone rise from the dead,or make a cure for cancer,or some drastic shit like that. Why cant for once I have a fucking day. When are my good days coming? No offense but I'm tired of always feeling dead on the inside while I listen to other peoples problems. How come you cant just ask me what wrong? Is something wrong with me? Am I too bitter for you? Do you just want naive sluts in your life? What the bloody hell do you want? Sorry if I'm not in that certain area that you just have to have... Well I'm not really sorry but still.

I should act like it right?

When you laugh.
I cry
I love your glory,your strength,your fear.
I love your truth.
I love your hurt. 

Just a test?

Its amazing how fast time flows. 

How fast YOU can forget things.....

 that will be etched forever in my mind.

Juice.

i don't know how many times that I've hit the point of no return. How many times i said i was done and then dove in for more. How many times have I shed just a single tear? How many more times will i? I don't understand how people in way back did it. I can see why people killed themselves, it was the easy way,the peaceful way,the stress-less way. For me it would be defeat,even though I would be dead my pride would be alive,it would be wounded. Like what you did to me. How many guys have said the same thing,done the same thing,left the same way? Maybe it is my fault. I could handle that. I will not handle being hurt again. I want this next one to be a long way from here. Let lust be lost. Pain be conquered/ Love be let go. breathes be breathed. Words would flow. I want things the be the way they use to be, when i didn't give a damn about things. I would just flow. I would change like morning does day. Day does night. How seasons change slow and come back quick.

 I just want to be me again. Is that too much to ask?