the pain

i try not to think of it. because if i do, it swallows me; the hole of darkness covers me, the sound of silence surrounds me. It fits in every corner of my eyes reach. No one listens. No one cares, and if they do ..

it doesn't even matter

the pain will go away eventually, it always does. but like a boomerang it always comes back. i have a never ending source of pain. It swallows me. this gut wrenching, soul shattering silence surrounds me. the more i try to fight the more it wins.

i give in

i give up

yet it doesn't feel satisfied. this hole of darkness this hole of unbearable pain is never full, its always empty. It never seems grateful for what I've sacrificed for its selfish greed. It just begs for me to give up myself. 

I can't

I would rather be surrounded by silence,and covered with darkness before i truly give in. With every effort it takes of my soul, i can never truly

                                                                             give in

 or  

give up

I have to fight,

what will happen if I give up?

  surely death. 

They say to take baby steps.
You have to learn to walk before you can run.
 

I don't want to run. I want to fly.  I want to soar. To fly away from the amount of guilt resting on me. I want to jump away from the expectations of all that you want from me. I wan to be me. I want to fly away from the desire, the lust, the need. I don't want to sit here,..

Of course I can't fly. Instead I fall. into a spiral of desire. 

Lust.......               Love.....                    Life....                 Death....                  Click....

How strange the innocence around me is. How naive and wonderful it seems. To not be burdened with the weight of words. The grief of a struggle.

I WANT TO BE HEARD.

I WANT TO SCREAM TO SHOUT.

TO CRY.

I WANT TO FLY. AWAY FROM HERE.

I WANT TO FLY ! ANYWHERE!

I JUST WANT TO BE FREE.

OH GOD HELP!

HELP ME PLEASE..

Of course no one hears me,

 Oh how strange... oh how strange the innocence of sound  is thrust upon me.