(sarcasm)

Why fight for something thats going to hurt?
We can't say love
We don't know what that is.
We can't say hate.
Why would we do it then?
What can we say?
What explains why we do what we do?
Do we THINK that by telling ourselves that...
we care
we love
and
we hate.

that everything will make sense and everything will be better?
I'm tired of trying to find out why you do what you did.
I just want this to be over
Call me selfish
that's what i am .
No lies
The truth
Tell me
I don't why I fought for you that way.
YOU didn't even care.

I wonder if revenge is the right thing?
is it better to just let things go?
I can't forget you.
I can't hate you.
I Love you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I FUCKING hate YOU!
and yet....

I still love you.

How would it feel to die?

Would it be peaceful?

I have no fucking idea because well, I'm alive. I wonder how it would feel. I could only imagine it. It must be so easy. So peaceful. You wouldn't have to worry about the stress of life. The stress of acceptance. The fear of life. The fear of acceptance. Life well Death would be calm. Like a river flowing down a hill. I wish sometimes I knew how it felt. To be able to feel how things are... I mean whats the point of being down here on earth? In the end we leave everything behind and nothing comes with us but us. I could sacrifice the things I have on earth for eternal peace.

Wouldn't you?

i just know I'm gonna find out ...

every line starts to crack.

Faith

Nights like this are hard. When your mind is full of questions, your heart is full of feelings and your brain is in a pool of memories... things get well...Hard.
I mean I guess we all have to deal with things...But seeing people you told your life story to live with out you is well HARD. How do you function with seeing them and not having them? How can you feel comfortable? Really? How can you put your trust in someone knowing they may take your faith against you....again? Well you said it. It's not easy, in fact it's quite HARD. I guess you have to just believe that another person isn't always going to betray you...but how do you know that? You can't read peoples minds to see what they really think, you have to go with what they say..and sometimes that's not even true.

friends are once in a lifetime

without them life is over.

Done.

Torn

I can't run from my issues anymore.

I can't put things in bottles and let them sail.

I can try

I have tried.

That's when I forget them, they come back.

Its always the little memories, the smallest things can trigger tears. 

tears that should be

 lost 

gone away .

I try to be strong 

to say that things don't phase me...

when in fact

their ripping me apart

I pray that things will get better that somehow I can find a will to

survive 

Find me, oh saint, I'm bending, breaking at my knees, praying

I've exposed, this earth has taken pride in seeing my most vulnerable state

-woe, is me