Am I finally Normal?

I don't know wheter to be mad or confused....

I want to be normal so that i can finally accept that I am. But then I don't want to admit the defeat that I would feel in myself. Its a constant never ending tear jerking battle between my mind and my heart. They both want different things when I myself don't know what I want. In my world (WONDERLAND) I never have to worry about things like this because they never happen, but because I'm not in my world they do happen and it seems that they happen to me a lot, which SUCKS. I know that today I'm rambling but I have to make myself busy so that im not thinking about him ....or him....or the other him. Guys right now should be furthest from my mind considering I have about three 400+ word papers due next week but whatever . I don't know if i should accept defeat. I really dont and to be im starting not care.... 

I keep thinking of him :)